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Milwaukee Common Council: on grass

Milwaukee lawns might sink to a new low.

There was discussion aplenty in Tuesday’s Common Council meeting. They kicked reporters out for the juicy stuff about lawsuits and challenging the governor’s budget, but at least we got to hear debate on the length of Milwaukee’s lawns.

A resolution introduced by four aldermen would lower the maximum length of grass from nine to seven inches. Property owners whose grass was higher than seven inches would be exposed to fines.

Aldermen Dudzik, Murphy and Hamilton all opposed the resolution, and it was eventually sent back to committee for reconsideration of the fiscal impact.

Murphy said he’d received calls from citizens asking whether the city had anything better to do than hand out grass height citations.

Alderman Davis was nice enough to remind us all that there was not a Grass Police Force, running around with rulers and measuring lawns so they could cite people.

Most of the citations, he said, arise from neighbor complaints.

This was probably reassuring to those who raised objections.

Still, I can’t help but wish for Lawn Cops Milwaukee, or the Grass Goons, or some other cleverly monikered force out roaming the city in the search for truth, justice and decent landscaping.

Maybe a reality TV show based on their exploits would be just the thing to get property owners to keep their yards in order.

On second thought, police officers seeking grass might send the wrong message.

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